Blog number 001, oh how reluctant I have been to write you. As I prepared to move abroad three years ago, I had ambitions of chronicling my adventures, sharing my insights and growth, maybe even a massive following. Think “Emily Paris”. While I must say selling all of my belongings except for what could fit into two large suitcases, one solely for shoes of course, and moving to a place I had never visited was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, it hasn’t been all roses and fairytales. Being alone, away from the things that normally distracted me from hearing my inner thoughts did not turn out to be the most pleasant experience. Yes, I’ve had some highs, but the lows have been low. Mostly mental lows that have caused paralysis that has prevented me from doing some of the simplest things, such as writing this blog post.
For the last three years on a regular basis, I have been cycling mentally between I’m going to create this footwear brand or die trying and what on earth am I thinking? When I am around shoes, talking about them, thinking about them, life is bliss. But when too much time passes, and I don’t do any of the following the voices of doubt enter the chat. These voices of doubt remind me how long it has taken me, the areas I’m not so strong in (accounting, e-commerce), or how I have not done much writing since my MBA two years ago. Just truckloads of you are not good enough messages. Sprinkle in a bit of don’t do anything unless it’s perfect and there you have the recipe for procrastination.
As I think back on how long it has taken me to do every single thing, I’ve needed to do to start my business I feel frustrated and slightly embarrassed. I tend to be entire house is burning down, but I am cool as a fan type of girl. That’s how I was raised, you lean on God and get on with it. You certainly don’t write a blog exposing your vulnerabilities because that leaves you exposed and “unsafe”. Well today is a new day and when I set out to be a footwear and entrepreneur, I said that I want to be more than another shoe brand, I want to be one that gives the most value. Not just product wise, but empowering people to go for their dreams and live as their authentic selves.
Without a doubt, I have spent a lot of time and money to chase my dreams and I have had naysayers (myself being the biggest one). I’ve made some silly mistakes, I’ve worked some crappy jobs, lived in some not so pleasant places, missed out on my nephews growing up, chosen my dream over love a lot, but what I can say is there is nothing like getting to do something you are passionate about every day. Things aren’t were I would like them to be just yet, but on a daily basis I know that I am taking small steps that will eventually get me to the point that I jump out of bed knowing that I am doing something I love full-time. The added bonus is going for big audacious goals really push personal growth as well.
Honestly, I grew up thinking that I was flawed and that I always had to be doing something to even have a chance at being worthy. It took years and years of reading personal development books and taking courses until I was introduced to a different perspective. I am worthy because I am here. The universal mind which created me is perfect, therefore I am. Of course, life is always changing, and it would be boring otherwise, but I don’t need to do anything or be anything in order to have access to my divine inheritance. Divine inheritance being the tools and wisdom I need to become what I came here to be.
I used to unknowingly judge others and myself ALOT. I am human so I cannot say that I am completely eradicated from this but what I can say is I can look at myself in the mirror without critiquing myself and on a good day stare and be like “dang girl you fine”! It may seem like something small, but self-acceptance is such a transformational thing. It is the reason why my first collection is named after some of my most important affirmations, I am enough, I am unique, I am confident, I am magic. I don’t ever want the women who wear my shoes to forget how amazing they are and it’s a great reminder for me as well.
To be continued...